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What Feminine Part of Yourself Did You Have to Destroy?
Whether it's on the playground, during extracurriculars, on TV, or at home, femmephobic messages saturate the lives of children and parents.
Author and poet Alok Vaid-Menon (2017) asks us to consider a powerful question:
"What feminine part of yourself did you have to destroy in order to survive in this world?"
This question invites us to think about how femmephobia doesn't just affect what children do — it shapes who they become. From early childhood, many of us learn to minimize, suppress, or abandon parts of ourselves that are coded as feminine in order to fit in, be taken seriously, or feel safe.
This isn't just about boys being told not to cry or wear pink. It's about all of us — regardless of gender — learning that the feminine parts of who we are are somehow less valuable, less worthy of respect, and less deserving of space.
Thinking about a child in your life — or about your own childhood — consider the following prompts:
Activity: What Did You Have to Destroy?
What part of your child's feminine self have they had to minimize, suppress, or destroy in order to fit in, be accepted, or be seen as "equal" — with peers, at home, or in society?
- What feminine traits or interests were discouraged?
- What did your child learn about what was "acceptable" for their gender?
- How did these experiences shape who they are today?
- What about you — what feminine parts of yourself did you have to let go of?
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