Let's explore some examples of femmephobia throughout childhood.
Femmephobia at School and on the Playground
At the same time that gender socialization and the gender binary teach children that boys should be masculine and girls should be feminine, it also teaches children of all genders that femininity is less valued than masculinity.
For example, one study of fourth-grade children found that children of all genders (e.g., girls, boys, and gender creative) who participated in activities typically seen as feminine were less accepted by peers and more likely to be bullied or harmed (Kreiger & Kochenderfer-Ladd, 2013). On the other hand, fourth-graders who participated in more masculine activities were more accepted by other kids.
In other words, children of all genders who participate in feminine activities face femmephobic exclusion on the playground. This is another example of how the gender binary is a hierarchy.
On a surface level, the binary divides gender into two groups (women/men), but when we look at this more closely, we can see that these groups are far from equal. Genders are grouped or divided in ways that make masculinity better or more accepted and make femininity something that is weak and should be avoided.
Thinking about the gender binary in this way can help us to notice how femmephobia is working all around us — especially when we look at its impacts on children.
Activity: Femmephobia in Action
Think about an example of femmephobia that your child (or a child you know) experienced at school or "on the playground" — a negative experience around their femininity — and respond to the following prompts. What thoughts and feelings are you left with when you think about this example?
Here are two examples to help get you thinking. Use the prompts to reflect on a situation you've observed or experienced with a child in your life.
Example Situation | What do you think was going on here? | What was the outcome for the child (e.g., how did they feel, what did they do?) | What thoughts and feelings are you left with when you think about this example? |
A 7-year-old boy asks to join a group of girls skipping at recess. Other boys in his class start calling him names and telling him skipping is "for girls." | The boy enjoyed an activity he found fun, but the gender binary had already coded skipping as feminine — and therefore off-limits for boys. His peers enforced this through teasing and peer pressure. | He stopped skipping and started avoiding the activity he loved. He felt embarrassed and began trying to act more like the other boys, even though it made him unhappy. | It's striking how early children begin policing each other's gender. A child gave up something he genuinely enjoyed because of social pressure — and the loss was invisible to most adults around him. |
A group of 8-year-old girls love playing princess games at recess. A group of boys loudly mock them, calling the game "stupid and babyish." The boys are laughed along with and seen as cool for their dismissal. | The boys' dismissal of the game reflects the devaluing of femininity — feminine play is framed as less mature and less worthy than other activities. The social reward they received reinforced the message. | The girls started saying they didn't really like princess games anymore, even among themselves. The play stopped, and some began distancing themselves from feminine interests to avoid being seen as "babyish." | It's unsettling how quickly the message lands: feminine things are lesser. I find myself wanting to actively celebrate and engage with feminine play in front of the children in my life. |
Ready to share your own example? Click the toggle below to open the form and add your story to our community collection — then scroll to See What Others Said at the bottom of this page to read what others shared.
Share Your Examples of Femmephobia on the Playground
Follow Up: What Would Change?
For most of us, but children in particular, it can really hurt to not feel accepted — and even more so, to feel rejected and bullied for doing things we love or enjoy! Thinking back to this activity and the examples you explored, what would change if femininity meant something positive?
Reflect on these questions:
- What can we do to help femininity be accepted and included among the children in our lives?
- How can we support our own children — as well as other children — to see feminine things and people as valuable (at least equally with masculine things and people)?
- What small changes could you make in your own home or conversations?
- How might you respond differently the next time a child is teased for something "feminine"?
- What would it look like for femininity to be celebrated — not just tolerated — on the playground?
Ready to share your reflections? We'd love to hear your thoughts. Click the toggle below to open the form and contribute to the community conversation.
Share your Reflections on This Activity
For most of us, but children in particular, it can really hurt to not feel accepted — and even more so, to feel rejected and bullied for doing things we love or enjoy!
Thinking back to this activity and the examples you explored — what would change if femininity meant something positive?
See What Others Said
We've seen how femmephobia plays out among children. Next, let's look at some of the labels kids get — like "tomboy" and "girly girl" — and what these labels really tell us about how we value femininity.
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