The gender binary also teaches us to think in "either/or" ways.
Either/Or Thinking
This means that we categorize things as either black or white, male or female, man or woman, masculine or feminine — and might avoid or feel uncomfortable when faced with something that doesn't neatly fit into one of those boxes, the "grey."
Not only does the gender binary insist on a clear distinction between two seemingly "opposite" groups, but it also wants those two groups to complement each other — so that where one is "soft," the other is "hard."
This means that the gender binary doesn't just want "men" and "women" — it also wants a particular kind of man and woman: men who are dominant, and women who are submissive.
There's nothing wrong with being dominant or submissive. The problem is when those labels are put onto specific groups.
We make assumptions and judgements about people based on the "gender binary" all the time, whether we're aware of it or not. We use these binary assumptions like shortcuts in our daily life.
Invitations to Judgment
To be clear: we are ALL invited into judgment all the time. Judgment is all around us. So, we are not "bad people" because those invitations exist. It's how we respond to the invitations that matters — and has consequences for ourselves and others.
We can either accept or decline the invitations to judgment, but first, we need to recognize them. We hope that this workbook will help you to notice the invitations to judgment that are all around you — once you see them, then you can decide how you will respond.
Reflect: Remember, you get to decide how you will respond — will you "accept" or "decline" the invitation to judgment?
Learn More
Watch the video below to examine an interesting difference between the clothing patterns we see for boys versus girls.
© We Are Family, 2026