If what's "toxic" about masculinity is its treatment of femininity, what makes femininity toxic? Can femininity be toxic? What even is femininity, anyway?
Activity: Your Words for Femininity
What are some words or phrases that come to mind when you think about femininity? These can include both your own beliefs and societal messages about femininity.
- Don't filter — write down whatever comes to mind, whether positive, negative, or neutral.
- Include messages you've heard from family, friends, media, or culture.
- Notice any patterns as you write.
Let's See What Others Think About Femininity
When asked what comes to mind when they think about femininity, people offered words like: gentle, emotional, beauty, objectification, caregiver, women, labour, unpaid, materialistic, gendered, dress, compassion, soft, empowerment, powerful, inferior, fake, weak, kind, dramatic, nurturing, motherhood, disadvantaged, care, work, incapable, makeup, matriarchy, devalued, delicate, identity, strength, pink, passivity, lady, nature, energy, awareness, thoughtful, environment, community, creativity, empowering, spirituality, softness, complex drama, high, undervalued, superficial, open, girly, lady-like, eroticism, beauty standards, fun, silly, artificial, floral, flowers, heels, pretty, quiet, multi-faceted, mothering, sensuality, duality, frivolous, strong, divine, intuitive, welcoming, warm, political, incompetent, lesbian, maternity, selflessness, purity, submission, frilly, colourful, sexual responsibility, warmth, gentleness, nurture…
What Did You Notice?
Activity: Invitations to Judgment
What did you notice about what comes to mind when you think about femininity, or what words people tend to use to describe femininity?
Recall that earlier we invited you to think about (and notice) the "invitations to judgment" that are all around you. Sometimes, word choices give some of these away.
- When you look at your list, what invitations to judgment may be operating here for you?
- Which words carry a positive feeling? Which carry a negative one?
- Are there words that surprised you — either on your list or in the word cloud?
Femininity Is for Everyone
We are socialized to connect femininity with girls and women. These messages are everywhere — in families, media, schools, and friend groups — making them hard to ignore or challenge.
But boys, men, and nonbinary people can also be feminine in some (or many) ways, like being nurturing, emotional, or wearing bright colours.
Remember, femininity can be expressed by all genders, but it is controlled and policed differently, often with different social consequences depending on people's gender (or what their body looks like). For example, a man paints his nails and is called a "sissy," or a woman wears a lot of makeup and is assumed to not be smart.
Now that we've reflected on our own associations with femininity, let's look at the stereotypes that shape how femininity is seen and valued in our culture.
© We Are Family, 2026