Because femmephobia shapes gender socialization and the gender binary, there is a tendency to accept masculinity as being gender-neutral.
Gender "Neutral" Parenting
If you think about it, many "gender-neutral" children's clothes and sometimes "baby names" are really just non-feminine — kind of like the boys on the playground who reject femininity. For example, blues and greens are acceptable clothing colours for boys and girls, but the reverse cannot be said about pinks.
In other words, these attempts to take a gender-neutral approach actually promote masculinity — instead of being "neutral," masculinity becomes encouraged and valued. What happens to femininity as a result? It's pushed out, sitting at the margins — as far away from "masculinity" (and even "neutral") as possible.
So, in our attempts to "go neutral," we have distanced ourselves so far from the feminine side of the gender binary that what we are left with is not "neutral," it's masculine! Through this process, we end up unintentionally PROMOTING masculinity as being more valued. Such attempts to raise children in gender-neutral ways may actually limit their engagements with femininity and encourage or normalize masculinity instead.
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Activities: Rethinking Gender-Neutral Parenting
Activity: Rethinking "Gender-Neutral"
When you review your responses to our earlier question of how you imagine gender-neutral parenting (pages 36–37), is your "gender-neutral" actually masculine?
- What does your image of gender-neutral parenting mean for femininity?
- Does "neutral" in your mind include pink, glitter, dolls, and dresses — or only blues, greens, and trucks?
Activity: Avoiding Femmephobia in Gender-Neutral Parenting
Considering the content we've covered here around what "gender-neutral" actually means for femininity, how can we avoid femmephobia when choosing gender-neutral parenting?
- What would truly inclusive "neutral" look like?
- How might you actively include femininity alongside masculinity?
The Unintended Limits of "Neutral"
Gender-neutral parenting can accidentally place "limitations" on children's gender exploration based on the gender binary and masculine neutrality. These unnecessary restrictions limit the full scope of gender creativity and self-expression.
Because masculinity tends to be accepted as being "neutral," there is a broader spectrum of masculinity that is seen as "acceptable" that ends up placing femininity in the "off-limits" zone.
Perhaps it's not "neutral" that we should aspire for after all — maybe it's something else!
If gender-neutral parenting can accidentally reinforce femmephobia, what's the alternative? In the next section, we'll explore femme-conscious parenting — an approach that actively values femininity alongside masculinity.
© We Are Family, 2026
