Now that we've covered gender socialization 101, understand the gender binary, and reviewed some basic gender terms, let's talk about femmephobia.
Understanding Femmephobia
To fully understand femmephobia, we need to be able to see femininity as a set of characteristics that all children and adults are capable of having or expressing. Boys, men, girls, women, gender creative, and nonbinary people — basically every human! — can be feminine in some or many ways.
Femmephobia has two interconnected pieces:
- Regulation: Femmephobia refers to the restraints society puts around who can be feminine and how they express this femininity. For example, one restraint society places around femininity is through the gender binary — ensuring that only girls and women are "allowed" to be feminine (with boys being punished for adopting anything feminine).
- Devaluation: Femmephobia also refers to how femininity and things that are feminine are seen as something of less value, especially compared to masculinity and things that are masculine.
The Hierarchy
Because of this societal preference for masculinity, by default, femininity gets placed below masculinity. As a result, femininity is less valued in comparison to masculinity.
So, when we think of the gender binary, it's not just divided into feminine and masculine — it's also a hierarchy, with masculinity on top (valued, powerful) and femininity on the bottom (less value, less power).
How These Forces Shape Childhood
As you can imagine (and have likely experienced yourselves), gender socialization and the gender binary play a big role in shaping childhood development — often in negative ways. These forces can be limiting, at the very least, and violent at the worst (Hoskin et al., 2024).
What's rarely discussed is how these forces work together and result in femmephobia:
Femmephobia is a prejudice against femininity and feminine expressions. It refers to the way that femininity is devalued (compared to masculinity) and strictly controlled (who can be feminine, where/when, and in what ways; Hoskin, 2017).
\*The term femmephobia comes from femme theory and femme communities. For a history of femme identities and a crash course in femme theory, check out our Femmephobia 101 workbook!*
What Is Femmephobia — And What Is It Not?
It can be helpful to understand femmephobia in relation to other gender-based prejudices.
Sexism and Misogyny
Target people who are female or women. While sexism and misogyny sometimes overlap with femininity, they're not the same. A woman can be feminine, masculine, or androgynous. We need specific terms to be able to talk about each dimension.
Homophobia
Targets people who are perceived to be lesbian or gay. Assumptions about sexuality often connect to the gender binary and femmephobia, but these prejudices (homophobia and femmephobia) are different.
Transphobia
Targets people who do not follow the "rules" for their assigned sex (e.g., female/male) and gender (e.g., how to be a woman or a man, according to the gender binary). This can relate to femininity, and often does, but not always.
Toxic Masculinity
Refers to cultural norms and behaviours traditionally associated with masculinity that can be harmful to men, masculine people (e.g., butch women), and society. It involves accepting rigid and narrow definitions of masculinity that emphasize traits like suppressing emotions, dominance and aggression, sexual prowess, stoicism, homophobia, and misogyny.
Femmephobia
Targets femininity or perceived femininity in all people — across genders and sexual identities. Femmephobia devalues femininity and controls who and what is "allowed" to be feminine.
These prejudices are another type of socializing agent. They can all shape children's realities and limit their dreams and opportunities.
Activity: Prejudice as a Barrier
Thinking back to the hopes and dreams for our children, how do these prejudices pose a hurdle or barrier?
- Which of these prejudices feel most present in your family's life?
- How might they limit what your child feels "allowed" to do, be, or dream about?
- Have you seen any of these prejudices show up in your child's world — at school, with peers, or in media?
Now that we understand femmephobia as a concept, let's look more closely at what's actually "toxic" about masculinity — and how it connects back to femininity.
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