Beliefs about femininity do not just "appear" out of nowhere. They often begin through the early gender socialization messages we receive as children and in families. These messages are powerful, enduring, and restrictive.
Where Do Our Beliefs Come From?
Now that we're thinking about femininity through this new lens of femmephobia, let's explore some of the messages we've received about femininity.
The messages we got as children didn't just disappear — we carried them forward. Some we kept because they felt true or useful. Others we dropped because they no longer fit. And some we may still be holding onto without even realizing it.
Activity: Childhood Messages About Femininity
Activity: Childhood Messages About Femininity
What messages did you receive as a child about femininity?
Think broadly — these could be direct things people said, or unspoken "rules" you absorbed from family, school, media, or peers.
Use the Save / Trash sorting as you reflect:
- 📂 SAVE folder — Which of these messages did you hold onto? Which still feel true or important to you?
- 🗑️ TRASH bin — Which of these messages did you drop or reject? Which no longer serve you?
Some prompts to get you started:
- What were you told (or shown) about how girls "should" act or look?
- What were you told (or shown) about how boys "should" act or look?
- Were there things you wanted to do or be that felt "off limits" because of gender?
- What happened when someone in your life didn't follow the "rules"?
Activity: Messages You're Passing Along
Activity: Messages You're Passing Along
Now that you've thought about your own childhood experiences with messages about femininity, let's shift to your current family and the messages about femininity that you may be passing along to your kid(s).
Which messages from your own childhood have you been passing along to your kid?
What does this look like? For example, thinking about your responses when your child wants to explore a feminine Halloween costume, or expresses an interest in an activity or sport that is considered "feminine" — what do you notice about how you feel inside and then how you respond?
- What words do you use?
- How about your nonverbals (facial expressions, mannerisms, redirecting the conversation, perhaps?)
- How does your child respond?
Learn More
- This clip is from the Inside Out 2 Movie and discusses the concept of how we form our core beliefs that become part of our overall sense of self or self-identity.
Now that we've located where our beliefs come from, let's situate them — and discover that the "rules" about femininity aren't as fixed as they seem.
© We Are Family, 2026
