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Benefits of Femininity?

Despite the bad reputation associated with femininity and concepts like Princess Culture\, research demonstrates positive effects on boys and girls!*

Addressing femmephobia in sports can have a positive effect on the self-esteem of youth of all genders and sexualities (Wernick et al., 2023).

Similarly, engaging in Princess Culture can be beneficial for children of all genders (Coyne et al., 2021). Princess culture has a long-lasting positive impact on girls' body image and self-esteem and reduces "toxic masculinity" in boys.

Princess culture is also associated with more progressive views of gender, including gender equality in education, relationships, and careers, and being more supportive of emotional expressions for all genders (Coyne et al., 2021).

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\"Children's engagement [or obsession] with movies, clothes, toys, and pretend-play focused on princesses and princess stories" (Hoskin and Serafini, 2023, p. 300)*

So why is there so much dislike, hatred, and trivialization of childhood femininity and girly things? There is clearly value in femininity!

While not rooted in hatred or trivialization, one reason for the distrust of Princess culture is the long history of femininity and Princess culture being used to keep girls and women inline and abiding by the "rules" of femininity. Often, princesses are portrayed as pretty and passive, doll-like creatures in need of Prince Charming to save them. Think of Snow White or Sleeping Beauty who, while sleeping, passively wait to be saved by a (non-consensual!) first kiss from Prince Charming. Not exactly a great message to send girls or boys! Likewise, Ariel in The Little Mermaid gives up her voice (and by extension her opinions, talent, and personality) to be with the man she saw from afar. Princess culture can idolize a certain type of femininity — a certain type of whiteness, heterosexuality, and cisnormativity (see glossary). We call this type of femininity patriarchal femininity.

Patriarchal femininity says that femininity only belongs to White, heterosexual, cisgender, able-bodied women who are passive, thin but curvy, sexually available but not sexually desirous, and who accept being seen as "lesser" — to name a few characteristics! And, of course, patriarchal femininity sees femininity as being done exclusively for men's attention (and that's partly why people react so negatively to femininity in men).

Femmephobia helps patriarchal femininity to achieve its goal of femininity ONLY existing as this "ideal" version. Through femmephobia, femininity that DOESN'T follow the rules of patriarchal femininity is mocked, ridiculed, and excluded.

In sum, for a very long time, Princess culture was used as a tool to maintain patriarchal femininity. We have good reason to be suspicious of princess culture and the messages it sends. Yet, many contemporary princesses have changed. While progress has been slow and remains imperfect, we now see princesses who save themselves, who are strong, brave, goal-oriented, and not in need of a man to rescue them. What's more, they are all of these things while being feminine — a contradiction to what the gender binary teaches us femininity means.

That leaves us in a bit of a bind, doesn't it? How can parents juggle the tensions between avoiding patriarchal femininity while also avoiding sending femmephobic messages to children? One way is to encourage femininity and masculinity equally, while also teaching children to question femininity and masculinity equally. These are lifelong lessons and ongoing conversations that will lay the foundation for your child to weave their own unique gender tapestry. Give your children the tools to play, explore, express, and think — teaching them how to think, not what to think!

🎒 Activity

Thinking back to the messages you were exposed to in childhood, how did you learn that femininity was 'lesser than' masculinity?