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Stopping Femmephobia
What are some ways that we can stop femmephobic messaging from reaching our kids?
As a first step, we can talk to them about femmephobia. We have heard from many research participants, students, clinicians, and people in our lives that the act of NAMING femmephobia is a powerful first step. Most people we talk to share that they were somewhat aware of how femininity is controlled and devalued, but they never had a name for it.
Now you do! It's femmephobia. Just like other prejudices (e.g., sexism, homophobia, transphobia), there is power in naming what's happening. Naming femmephobia legitimizes its existence: no, it's not "all in our heads" — the struggle is real!
As femme-conscious parents, we can be mindful to equally support masculinity and femininity in children, regardless of their gender or assigned sex. This means that we need to be able to see and understand how femmephobia operates in families and society at large and how it hurts all children because it restricts them from being who they are and doing things they love. Perhaps most importantly, we, as parents, caregivers, and role models, need to challenge our own femmephobic socialization and believe that our kids are just as competent, valuable, and lovable when they are feminine as they are when they are masculine.
And when we do, we can introduce children of all genders/sexes to a range of options for them to choose from, including both feminine and masculine activities, clothes, and toys.
Together, we can begin to recognize and celebrate the value of femininity and what it can offer to our families and our children: Empathy! Kindness! Creativity! Joy!
Valuing Femininity
A great way to challenge femmephobia!
🌸 Activity
Reflect on these questions:
- What are some of your favourite parts of femininity?
- What value can femme-conscious parenting and valuing femininity bring to your parenting approach and the lives of the children in your life and community?
Imagining Femme-Positive Futures
What would childhood, family, and relationships be like if we re-imagined femininity — giving it greater freedom and value?
"Honestly, I can't even imagine [femininity being treated like a positive thing], after almost 50 years of internalizing these messages. I hope my daughters can… that they can see the wonder and strength without it being beaten out of them." ~ Anonymous research participant.
Indeed, oppressive systems grow and thrive when people are unable to envision alternate realities, approaches, or endings. ~ Hoskin & Serafini, 2023, p. 307
🌺 Activity
Reflect on this question:
What would childhood, family, and relationships look like if we re-imagined femininity — giving it greater freedom and value? What does a femme-positive future look like to you?
Ready to share your vision? Click the toggle below to open the form and share your favourite parts of femininity, the value of femme-conscious parenting, and what a femme-positive future might look like — then scroll to See What Others Said at the bottom of this page to read what others shared.