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Parenting Workbook Home

Introduction

Welcome & How to Use the Workbook

Hopes & Dreams

Congratulations, It's a...

Girl Toys vs. Boy Toys

Socializing Agents

Binary Thinking

Time Out for Terminology

Locating Ourselves

Let's Play A Game

Let's Play Dress Up

Gender Binary vs. Gender Tapestry

Gender Neutral Parenting (Part 1)

Femmephobia

Looking Closer at Toxic Masculinity

Let's Think About Femininity

Feminine Stereotypes

Locating Our Beliefs

Situating Our Beliefs

Rules About Femininity

Femmephobia on the Playground

Tomboys, Girly Girls..

I'm Not Like Other Girls

Killing Barbie

Femmephobia & Sports

Femmephobia in the Media

Femmephobia in the Family

What Feminine Part of Yourself...

Benefits of Femininity?

When Blue is Neutral

Gender Neutral Parenting (Part 2)

Femme-Conscious Parenting

When Femininity Feels Impractical

The Hidden Message

Practicing Femme-Conscious Parenting

Stopping Femmephobia

Imagining Femme-Positive Futures

Evaluation Survey

Glossary

What Does It Mean to Be Femme?

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What Does It Mean to Be Femme? Michael Burk (with expert commentary from Dr. Rhea Ashley Hoskin) Them

About This Post

An accessible explainer on femme identity — its origins in working-class lesbian communities of the 1940s, its evolution into a broader LGBTQ+ label, and how it deliberately subverts patriarchal norms of femininity. Includes perspectives from femme-identified individuals and Dr. Rhea Ashley Hoskin's research.

Key Takeaways

  • Femme is a deliberate queer subversion of patriarchal femininity — not a replication of it
  • The label originated in 1940s butch/femme lesbian communities and has since expanded across the LGBTQ+ spectrum
  • Femme identity is distinct from "woman" — it describes a form of queer self-expression, not a gender identity
  • Femmephobia affects femmes of all genders and sexualities, making it important to have language for this shared experience

Read the Full Post

What Does It Mean to Be Femme? — Them

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