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Parenting Workbook Home

Introduction

Welcome & How to Use the Workbook

Hopes & Dreams

Congratulations, It's a...

Girl Toys vs. Boy Toys

Socializing Agents

Binary Thinking

Time Out for Terminology

Locating Ourselves

Let's Play A Game

Let's Play Dress Up

Gender Binary vs. Gender Tapestry

Gender Neutral Parenting (Part 1)

Femmephobia

Looking Closer at Toxic Masculinity

Let's Think About Femininity

Feminine Stereotypes

Locating Our Beliefs

Situating Our Beliefs

Rules About Femininity

Femmephobia on the Playground

Tomboys, Girly Girls..

I'm Not Like Other Girls

Killing Barbie

Femmephobia & Sports

Femmephobia in the Media

Femmephobia in the Family

What Feminine Part of Yourself...

Benefits of Femininity?

When Blue is Neutral

Gender Neutral Parenting (Part 2)

Femme-Conscious Parenting

When Femininity Feels Impractical

The Hidden Message

Practicing Femme-Conscious Parenting

Stopping Femmephobia

Imagining Femme-Positive Futures

Evaluation Survey

Glossary

Femmephobia: Getting Over the Ick

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Femmephobia: Getting Over the Ick Anonymous House of Tríus (originally published on Medium/Queertopia)

About This Post

A deeply personal essay by a gay Black man exploring how a childhood experience of intimidation by a flamboyant authority figure shaped internalized femmephobia that later affected his romantic relationships — and how he began to unlearn it.

Key Takeaways

  • Femmephobia can be rooted in specific traumatic experiences, not just broad cultural messaging
  • Pressure to "man up" leads to masking authentic gender expression in dating — harming both partners
  • Femmephobia is especially prevalent within Black and gay communities, compounding existing pressures
  • For parents: The essay illustrates how a single negative encounter with an adult authority figure can shape a child's relationship to femininity for years

Read the Full Post

Femmephobia: Getting Over the Ick — House of Tríus

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