We Are Family
  • Parenting Workbook

Search

Parenting Workbook Home

Introduction

Welcome & How to Use the Workbook

Hopes & Dreams

Congratulations, It's a...

Girl Toys vs. Boy Toys

Socializing Agents

Binary Thinking

Time Out for Terminology

Locating Ourselves

Let's Play A Game

Let's Play Dress Up

Gender Binary vs. Gender Tapestry

Gender Neutral Parenting (Part 1)

Femmephobia

Looking Closer at Toxic Masculinity

Let's Think About Femininity

Feminine Stereotypes

Locating Our Beliefs

Situating Our Beliefs

Rules About Femininity

Femmephobia on the Playground

Tomboys, Girly Girls..

I'm Not Like Other Girls

Killing Barbie

Femmephobia & Sports

Femmephobia in the Media

Femmephobia in the Family

What Feminine Part of Yourself...

Benefits of Femininity?

When Blue is Neutral

Gender Neutral Parenting (Part 2)

Femme-Conscious Parenting

When Femininity Feels Impractical

The Hidden Message

Practicing Femme-Conscious Parenting

Stopping Femmephobia

Imagining Femme-Positive Futures

Evaluation Survey

Glossary

FEMME: Lesbian History, Identity Politics & Invisibility

🎬

FEMME: Lesbian History, Identity Politics & Invisibility Obviously Queer (Katja) Watch on YouTube

About This Video

This 90-minute documentary-style video essay is one of the most thorough explorations of femme identity available on YouTube. Creator Katja (Obviously Queer) traces the history and meaning of "femme" from 1930s working-class butch/fem bar culture through second-wave feminism's rejection of femininity, the 1990s femme renaissance, ballroom culture, and into today's TikTok identity debates.

The video draws on extensive academic sources — including Blair & Hoskin (2015) on experiences of femme identity and femmephobia, and Hoskin's (2022) *Feminizing Theory — as well as an original survey of 109 self-identified femmes* from over 20 countries.

Key topics covered

  • The history of butch/fem dynamics and how fem identity was shaped by desire, community, and class
  • How second-wave feminism treated femininity as "the clothes of the enemy" and pushed fems into invisibility
  • Fem(me) as a consciously constructed, political femininity — not just an aesthetic
  • Femmephobia as a thread connecting the devaluation of femininity across identities
  • Femme invisibility: the "double invisibility" of being unseen as queer by straight people and by the queer community
  • Identity gatekeeping: who is "allowed" to call themselves femme, and why the online discourse often gets it wrong
  • Intersections of femme identity with race, class, and trans experience

Why This Resource Matters

This is an accessible, deeply researched entry point for anyone wanting to understand why femininity has been devalued even within LGBTQ+ communities — and why femme identity matters as a form of resistance. It directly cites femmephobia research and makes academic concepts tangible through personal stories and survey data.

We Are Family

Parenting Program

Parenting Workbook

Resources