“Because Boys Don’t Do Ballet”: Boys, Femmephobia, and the Potentials of a Femininity-Affirmative Pedagogy in Kindergarten

Abstract

In this article, the authors draw on feminist theorizations to examine ethnographic data, illustrating how femmephobia is enacted among boys in kindergarten. They also examine how teachers’ well-intended responses may inadvertently legitimize femmephobia when a femininity-affirmative orientation is not applied. The authors argue that intentional gender-affirming actions by education stakeholders are necessary for promoting and supporting fluid gender explorations in kindergarten, especially in terms of valuing and validating femininity among boys. Specifically, they consider the potentials of femininity-affirmative pedagogy as one approach to countering femmephobia and working towards gender inclusion and equality in early education.

Summary of Key Points

This article, by Jessica Prioletta and Adam Davies, examines how femmephobia — the societal devaluation of femininity — shows up among boys in kindergarten classrooms and what parents and educators can do about it.

What is femmephobia?

Femmephobia refers to the way our culture treats femininity as lesser or inferior. It's not just about disliking "girly" things — it's a pattern in which activities, interests, and forms of self-expression associated with femininity (like caring for others, dancing, or even the colour pink) are looked down upon, especially when boys engage with them. While girls are generally free to take up "masculine" activities without much pushback, boys who show interest in anything coded as feminine often face ridicule and social consequences.

What the researchers found

The researchers spent months observing two Ontario kindergarten classrooms and documented two key patterns:

1. Boys mock femininity within their friend groups. Even in casual, everyday moments — like a boy being stuck with the last cup at snack time, which happened to be pink — boys used humour to reinforce the idea that feminine things are silly and "not for boys." In another example, a boy used a rake as a pretend hairbrush and taunted his friends with exaggerated "girly" behaviour. These moments may seem trivial, but they send a powerful message: femininity is something to laugh at, and boys should avoid it.
2. Boys who cross gender boundaries face public humiliation. When one boy privately told his best friend that he liked ballet — an activity popular among the girls in their class — his friend announced it to the entire class during a group meeting. Other boys laughed along. The message was clear: showing genuine interest in something "feminine" is not acceptable for boys, and breaking that rule comes with social punishment.

Why well-meaning responses can backfire

The article also highlights a subtle but important point for parents and teachers. When the teacher in the ballet incident stepped in, the response focused on how ballet builds muscle strength and physical fitness — essentially justifying ballet by linking it to traditionally masculine qualities. While this was well-intentioned, it missed an opportunity to affirm ballet's artistic, emotional, and creative value on its own terms. The takeaway: when we only validate "feminine" activities by pointing out how tough or physical they are, we unintentionally reinforce the idea that femininity still needs masculinity to be worthwhile.

What can parents and educators do?

The authors recommend a femininity-affirmative approach — intentionally creating spaces where femininity is valued for all children, not just girls. In practice, this looks like:

• Having open conversations about gender with children, including questioning assumptions like "that's only for girls" or "boys don't do that."
• Using stories and books to explore gender norms. One teacher in the study used the picture book Morris Micklewhite and the Tangerine Dress to open up discussions about gender stereotypes.
• Affirming feminine interests and qualities on their own merits — not by reframing them in masculine terms. If a child loves ballet, celebrate the artistry, emotion, and expression — not just the strength it requires.
• Noticing the small moments. Gender policing among children is often subtle — jokes about pink cups, teasing about hair brushing — but these everyday interactions shape how children understand what is acceptable and valued.
• Modelling that femininity is for everyone. Activities like caring for others, artistic expression, and gentleness are valuable human qualities, not "girl things."

The big picture

Children are not too young to understand gender — in fact, this research shows that kindergarteners are already actively constructing and enforcing gender rules among their peers. Early childhood is a critical window for helping children see that there are many ways to be a boy, a girl, or any gender — and that no form of self-expression is inherently inferior. When we affirm femininity as something valuable for everyone, we help all children explore who they are more freely and safely.

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