In school, boys who chose home ec were mocked. I chose shop — not because I wanted to, but because I didn't want to be seen as feminine. I loved cooking and had no interest in woodworking. I gave up something I genuinely loved because of what it would mean about me.
It makes me sad that I was already doing image management at 13. I think about the children in my life and I want them to feel freer than I did.
My dad referred to anything emotional or gentle as 'soft.' He'd say 'don't be so sensitive' when I cried. Nobody said it directly, but the message was constant: having feelings — something I now associate with femininity — made you weak.
When I think about my kids receiving these same messages, I feel a kind of protective anger I didn't have for myself. I still catch myself using the same language my dad used, and I'm working on that.